The day I sold my firstborn for an Apple iPhone

There isn’t anything that you’d want an infant to do that the iPhone does exceedingly well. Why settle for a baby, when you can get an Apple iPhone?

For starters, the iPhone…

…makes calls. A baby cries.

…sends SMSes. Your newborn can hardly recognize letters, let alone TEXT.

…takes pictures. Well I suppose a child remembers stuff she sees, but let’s see you try to get said child to reproduce them.

…plays music and movies. A baby, again, cries.

…lets you get onto the Internet. A crying child (don’t they ever STOP crying?!) tends to have the opposite effect.

Furthermore, Apple provides support for the iPhone. For most parts, you’re probably on your own for your kid.

Raising a child involves considerable investment of time and money, and the manufacturer’s warranty for your kid is probably the pits. The iPhone will probably come with one year of standard warranty, with an option to extend it for another 2.

With 12 months to go before the Asian launch of the iPhone, it’s now the time to procreate in earnest. I’m opening the invitation now to prospective mothers of my firstborn child; bear my seed and when I acquire an iPhone from the sale, I’ll let you play with it.