Jade

4am in the morning is when sappy inspirational stories and quotes make sense.

I just got off the phone with someone I’ve always felt a very fundamental attraction to. She laughs too much (at my jokes, so it’s not altogether a bad thing considering how almost no one else does…), is too short, a little too plump (but full figured). But I always feel ‘just right’ when I am with her.

We spoke for 3 hours.

She said that ever since she broke up with her boyfriend last year, she’s been leading a decadent lifestyle. She’s slept with married men and boyfriends of other women. She told me her fear is that her choices would someday hurt those she loves and love her.

She also said that she’s an attention whore, that she doesn’t love herself, and that she doesn’t know what she wants.

She said she’s good at reading people, but it tires her. She said it’d be good if everyone just spoke what they meant and she was able to take everyone at face value.

She told that her previous boyfriends became boyfriends because they persisted. I conveniently forgot why they didn’t work out in the end.

She told me that she’s not happy, that she gets depressed, that she laughs so much because it’s an easier way to deal with things (she did say that my jokes were genuinely funny though).

I told her it’d be easier to for me to love her if I knew everything about her, warts and all, than it would be for me to love her veneer of perfection.

I think I might’ve been lying.